Sunday 19 December 2010
Christmas Cheer or Christmas Fear?
I have been quite busy in the rush up to Christmas. I have had two brand new clients book me for next week and several of my regular clients have made bookings which will keep me working right up to Christmas eve. I know some of them are stressed out about shopping and cooking, some are stressed about buying presents or meeting their in-laws. Some are stressed because of drinking too much at a work party and saying/doing something they completely regret. Some are stressed because their loved ones have passed away at this time of year and the memories come back to haunt them. And some of them are panicked because they are going home to see their parents, brothers and sisters, and that brings up huge trauma for them.
What a strange time of year. A time of celebration and love turns into a time of stress, trauma and panic. Not just for some, but for many people.
I have come to discover that the majority of the issues that people panic over are about being judged by someone else. I truly understand that if you are bereaved during a Christmas time, there isn't much you can do about it only bear with it, feel the pain, honour it and your loved one and let it go as best you can. But the judgement thing you can work with. Most certainly you can work with that.
By placing a value on somebody else's judgement of you, makes their judgement powerful. If that person has constantly judged you all your life, based on your clothes, your hair, your job, what you say, how you walk, what you eat.... the thought of being around them takes your personal power away before you even begin.
But who gives them the power to do that to you? You might not like this answer. You do. You made a choice somewhere down the line, that this person was important, and what they say or think is important. And we have a natural tendency to look for approval, so that sometimes it feels like this person's ideas are more important than yours. So when they say something bad about you, you believe it. And feel bad. And get stressed.
Yes we do not choose our family, we choose our friends. But sometimes we have no choice but to be surrounded by family, by all types and all flavours of personalities. Some we get along with, some we cannot bear to be around. Particularly at this time of year, being with family can be a huge source of stress. So if it helps at all, realise that you do not need to make the choice to value other people's judgements of you. You do not have to accept it deep in your heart, and wear the badge of hurt. Consciously ask yourself "Am I walking blind and accepting someone else's judgement of me right now?" You can say "I choose to discard this judgement of me as it is unhelpful and hurtful."
To be able to filter out the judgements that you receive, you have to know your own heart. You have to be able to recognise when a judgement is coming at you, and where it is coming from. Perhaps an understanding behind the person making the judgement would help, or an understanding as to why you had been willing in the past to accept what this person says as the truth.
Blessings for a warm, safe, and joy-filled Christmas break.